Abducted and Probed

When I received this particular email it made me laugh out loud. There's so much wrong with this letter, I'm thinking that anyone who actually sends this guy money probably shouldn't have it to begin with.

US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA

11 GARKI ROAD ABUJA

ABUJA, NIGERIA

The Approach:

ATTENTION: Jim Motes

I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING NEXT FRIDAY AND I WILL BE BRINGING YOUR FUND OF $5.5M ALONG WITH ME BUT THIS TIME IT WILL NOT BE STOP BY POLICE OR CUSTOMS BECAUSE AS AN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT CITIZEN AND I HAVE THE VETO POWER TO GO THROUGH CUSTOMS AND ANY OTHER GOVERNMENT FORCES THAT MAY DISTURB A MERE DIPLOMATIC AGENT. IT PAINS BE VERY MUCH THAT YOU HAVE FALL IN THE HANDS OF SCAMMERS WHO HAS MADE A WAY WITH YOUR HARD EARN MONEY WHICH MADE BE TO ME WONDER. WELL JUST BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I SHALL BE BRINGING YOUR FUND OF $5.5 MILLION MYSELF AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT IN ORDER TO STOP IT DUE TO THE FACT THAT I AM AN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA.

.

SO RE-CONFIRM THE INFORMATION BELOW SO THAT THERE WILL NOT BE ANY MISTAKES:

1) YOUR FULL NAME: ---------------

2) YOUR CURRENT HOUSE ADDRESS: ---

3) DIRECT TELEPHONE: -------------

AS SOON AS I AM THROUGH WITH THE MEETING I SHALL THEN PROCEED TO YOUR ADDRESS. YOUR PACKAGE($5.5M) MUST BE REGISTERED AS AN AMBASSADORIAL PACKAGE FOR ME TO DEFEAT ALL ODDS AND THE COST OF REGISTERING IS $250.THE FEE MUST BE PAID IN THE NEXT 4DAYS VIA WESTERN UNION SO THAT ALL NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT CAN BE MADE BEFORE TIME WILL BE AGAINST US.

SEND THE FEE VIA MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER

RECEIVER'S NAME: AKORAH THERESA

ADDRESS: ABUJA, NIGERIA

TEXT QUESTION: TO WHO?

ANSWER: TO AMBASSADOR

AMOUNT: $250

MTCN OR MONEY GRAM NUMBER....................?

AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION.

MY FLIGHT IS FRIDAY AND I EXPECT YOU TO COMPLY BEFORE THEN SO THAT THE DELIVERY CAN BE COMPLETED. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN IT WILL NOT BE THE FAULT OF FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA AND ME IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE

REGARD,

UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA

Ambassador Terence P. McCulley.

My Response:

Dear Ambassador McCulley,

I am so very grateful for your letter. I was beginning to think the heathen's had stolen my millions and I would never see a dime of that money. I suppose an important man such as yourself has many important duties as the Ambassador to the god forsaken shores of anywhere that isn't Texas. Since I've never traveled outside of the Texas I don't really know what Nigeria is like, but I have to assume it's like Oklahoma and will pray for your safety and of course your soul daily. I do have another issue which I'd like to discuss with you. I never wanted the money for myself you see; I need it to mount a defense against aliens. I'm not talking about illegal aliens here, I'm talking about big eyed grays with three fingers. I don't tell many people this, but I was abducted. Yes sir, hand to god. They took me up into their space ship which looked very much like the inside of one of them silver diner restaurants you see on the side of the road. Once they got me in there they forced me to listen to Elvis music (not the good stuff, it was from his Hawaiian album) for two days before the bad things started. I won't go into details, but lets just say, I was probed and won't soon forget it. In short, the money isn't for me, it's going into a project I like to call Periodic Reconnaissance for Orbiting Bio Entities (PROBE). I will become the full time leader of PROBE and will hire a group of loyal Texans to stand guard watching the stars at night with me for any signs of alien activity. We will of course need a class three firearm license for a couple of 50cal machine guns (defense purposes only). We will also be the first responders for abductions in the Lone Star State and should any of those little space perverts land here with the intention of abusing another native Texan, we will respond with the same spirit and ferocity that won at the Alamo. We would like for you to be our national spokesman if you are interested.

When you arrive with my money, I'll meet you at the airport with a PROBE honor guard. We will be wearing teflon suits and aluminum deflector beanies. I will be the one with Silver Boots.

Regards,

Jimmy James Motes III

Guarding the Frontier of Freedom!