A business proposition

The Approach:

Good Day,

I am Mr.David Thorburn Chief Operating Officer and Executive Director, Clydesdale Bank and the Yorkshire Bank,

United Kingdom I have a business transaction worth Forty Nine Million Seven Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling if interested.

Please reply for specifics.

Yours,

Mr.David Thorburn

My Response:

Dear Mr. Thorburn,

Thank you for contacting me. I was just this minute wondering how to pay for my next round of hair plugs when your email arrived. I'm not sure how much forty nine million seven hundred thousand pounds sterling is worth, but it sounds like a lot! Will we be melting down the sterling? Is there any way to perhaps do business in actual cash? How much would it cost to ship all that silver and who's gonna pay for that?

I notice you work for Clydesdale Bank and I have to say I'm a big fan. I love those commercials when your horses come running through the snow pulling those beer wagons. Once there was a spotted dog on the wagon and I ran all the way across the trailer to get my wife and showed her... She didn't believe me at first, but that was probably because I had already had a few of those beers from the commercial so she thought I was hallucinating again, but once I got her in the front room and she saw that spotted dog, we both laughed so hard we wet our pants. Now that hardly ever happens on a weekday so you can tell how much we enjoyed your horse and dog commercial.

If you don't mind, I'd like to get straight to business talking now. I assume for the kind of money that you are offering me, there's something that I need to do and I have to tell you from the get go that I'll have to pass if you want someone killed. I'm not afraid you understand, I just aren't very good at it. Every time I get in a fight at the bar, I scream at the top of my lungs "Sum Bitch, I'm gonna kill you!" and next thing you know, I'm on my ass looking up at the old lady making out with the sum bitch that hit me. So as much as I'd like to say I'm a killer and get me one of them teardrop tattoos, I'm just no good at it.

I look forward to hearing from you again real soon.

your best new friend and business partner

Jimmy Sputnik Motes

Analysis:

I like this guy. His approach was clean, short, and simple. He didn't bore me with a long story about dead relatives, hidden Iraqi money, dying missionaries, or sundry other lies. It's an obvious scam. Many of these phishing emails will use an unrelated email to send their message. For example, Mr Thorburn, could have been using an email from lucy.smith@gmail.com. Always look at the email address. Look at the language. Does it read like the person speaks english as a first language? And as always, NO ONE is sending you millions from the internet.