My BMW and the FBI

The FBI must now have a China office... those crazy G-Men hiding behind a Chinese email address to serve and protect. I like how they are following up on a scam that has sort of died down due to my demanding emails. They used the signature block name I game them (Crankybutt). I suppose I should be happy they read my mail.

The Approach:

OFFICER IN-CHARGE: NAME: Mr. Brad Todd @ FBI UK Internet Fraud Watch/Alert E-mail: fbifraudalert@9.cn ATTENTION: B.M.W. Winner (Jimmy Crankybutt Motes)

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Has discovered through our intelligence Monitoring Network, that you have an on going transaction with the B.M.W AUTOMOBILE COMPANY. Mega Jackpot Lottery UK, as the Beneficiary of the said 2,000,000.00 Great British pounds. (Two Million Great British Pounds) And and brand new BMW CAR 5 SERIES SALOON 2011 EDITION confirmed on a certified Cashier's check.

So the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) Washington DC, in conjunction with the Scotland Yard, Has screened through our various Monitoring Networks and has been confirmed and notified that the transaction you have with theB.M.W AUTOMOBILE COMPANY is Legal and you have the Lawful Right to claim your due Prize of $540,000:00 USD Dollars. We advise you to go ahead with them as we are monitoring all their services and network. Be advised that any letter or lottery Notification received from anybody or company should be forwarded to us with immediate effect. The UK Government has spent over $240,000:00 USD Dollars to make sure these scammers are brought before the law. They are still ready to spend more to make sure they are brought before the law.

Meanwhile, you are advised to follow the procedure of the Lottery House (B.M.W AUTOMOBILE COMPANY LOTTERY). They have their own legal procedure which we have examined and confirmed legal. Follow their instructions while you keep us updated for more details. You are advised to contact the necessary office for more details of Transfer as we are monitoring every move now.

Please, be advised and be aware that your funds had been insured and the necessary charges would be taken care of by you, as confirmed by the Monitoring network. For your own good you are advised to confirm any lottery promo you have either involved your self with in the past to enable us trace this scammers. Only this lottery Promotion has been confirmed Legal any other are still under investigation, and so many others are scam, most especially from the UK and Europe.

You are to contact Mr Brad Todd with the email below in regards to more information on your claims.

OFFICER IN-CHARGE:

NAME: Mr. Brad Todd @

FBI UK Internet Fraud Watch/Alert E-mail: fbifraudalert@9.cn

My Response:

Dear Mr Brad Todd,

I am so very happy to hear from you. I was beginning to think something was wrong and couldn't get those guys to listen to reason. I've told them time and time again, I'll not pay a cent until my BMW shows up and it better be black. They keep saying they want to send me a gold BMW... who the hell drives a gold BMW? I'm not some russian gunrunner. I'm a respected car wash attendent here in Texas. So it would be great if you could tell BMW Lottery officials to send me the black car and then I'll send them their money.

If they send a gold one, I'm going to set it on fire. that's right.... just like mother's Chevy Vega. I must have told her 10 times to paint that stupid car another color, but noooo she insisted on driving around in a car that looked like a bowl of lime sherbert threw up a peice of crap car. I suppose it would have been nice if I had waited for mother to get out of the car before I Johnny Stormed it (gratuitous Fantastic Four reference), but hey, I follow my heart.

So, Mr. FBI, I have to ask you... who killed JFK? What's really at area 51? Is George W Bush a cylon? I bet he is... I wanted to run some tests but the freakin secret service wouldn't let me near him... Speaking of Cylons, I'm married to one and have her locked in the basement... Should I call the local FBI or handle this on my own? I've interogated her thoroughly but she continues to deny being a Cylon... just what a Cylon would say right? Either way something has to be done... I don't have an airlock and don't really know the protocol for disposing of an alien... your help would be appreciated.

I'll go now since it's time for my dinner and I have to throw food to the basement Cylon. Looking forward to hearing from you very soon.

Your patriotic buddy

Jimbo