The Dying Philanthropist

I really liked this approach. I received this email and the timing could not have been better. I had been working on my taxes and was in the mood to play.

Approach:

This came to me from Mrs. Kameela Sakeena Yasir of Malaysia

Hello Dear,

Life is gradually passing away from me as a result of my present medical condition and my personal doctor confided in me yesterday that i have only but few more days to live. In view of this setback, i want to donate my estate for humanitarian assistance since this has always been the plan of my late husband and besides i have no child. In an effort to compliment the good work of Almighty Allah and the wish of my late Husband i donate the sum of $1,500,000.00 USD (One Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars USD) to you.

On your acknowledgment of this mail and informing me of your nationality and current place of resident, my lawyer will facilitate due processes for transfer of this legacy to you. May Allah bless you as you use this money judiciously for the work of charity.

Regards, Mrs. Kameela Sakeena Yasir From:

Malaysia. Email:xxxx.xxxxx@xxxx.xxx

My Response:

Dear Kameela Sakeena Yasir,

I received your email today promising me the princely sum of $1,500,000.00 USD and it could not have come at a better time. Having reached the very end of my rope with my present position working for the "man" I knew there was a higher calling out there for me, but was unsure how to pursue this desire to fulfill my true destiny in life. When I read your wonderful message below, after saying a brief prayer for your soul, I immediately called my boss and quit my job. He of course expressed his confusion as he's well aware that I work to support six children and a wife on a fairly small salary, and I told him that the most beautiful person, Kameela Sakeena Yasir, had become my benefactor and was giving me the opportunity to not only support my family, but to also help those in dire need while doing so. I then called him a soulless, blood sucking, infidel and swore I'd sell my children before I worked for him again. I of course would do no such thing, but it was important to let him know that I would never work for him and only by burning those bridges can we move forward.

As for my nationality, I am a United States citizen, but I've often thought I was more of a world traveler at heart. Not the smelly, never bathing travelers you find at Disneyland, but the kind you see at Cirque du Solis, soaring over the audience and singing in their wonderful and strange accents. I live in a broken down travel trailer behind the Texaco gas station in Plano, Texas. It's tight with six kids, but we get by just fine. In fact we home school the kids in the trailer and one of the first things I plan on buying with the money is a computer machine so the kids can learn new fangled skills.

When your attorney contacts me please have him put the word MONEY either in the subject line or on any envelopes he may drop off. Due to some unfortunate investments at the McKinney, Texas Flea Market and Rattlesnake Emporium, bill collectors have been harassing my family so I've instructed them to simply throw away anything that looks like a bill, summons, court order, subpoena, or tax notice.

I suppose you want me to share my ideas for humanitarian support... well first I'm going to buy every drunk under the George Bush Tollway bridge a nice bottle of Jack Danials. After all, those poor slobs never get a day off, this will be like a birthday party for them and may also tip the karma scales back in my favor, offsetting that unfortunate hit and run incident last year. After that, I'm going to pay back all the court ordered restitution that I've been putting off for so long. Think of all the homes that will finally get that Christmas they missed when I was going through my B&E phase. I'll prepare a formal presentation for you as soon as I get back from meeting with my probation officer later this afternoon.

I'm so gosh darned excited! I do hope your attorney will work quickly; upon hearing of this wonderful gift, my wife took all the money out of our bank account to buy some much needed surgery. She got the Dolly Parton special with the J-Lo bootie. She looks so good, one of the kids didn't recognize her and thought she was a hooker from across the street. So basically we are flat broke until we hear from you, but again thanks and God Bless!

Jimbob