Bovine Murder

The Approach:

Attention Please,

Ukrainian National Lottery (UNL) conducts Ukrainian state lotteries: Super Loto, Keno and Loto Triyka. "Super Loto" - a "jackpot" lottery - 54 jackpots were won for the last 4 years; "Keno" - a lottery game with more than 10 000 winners daily; "Loto Triyka" - a fun and easy lottery with high chances of winning good money prizes. In promoting our game, we have decided to add an online game and make people from all over the world play with us. And in this effect, we made a random draws in an attempt to get a winner from the following continents: Africa, Asia/Australia, Europe and America.

We are pleased to announce to you that you are among the lucky winners from millions of people in your continent. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: AG-544 7443465 L44 with serial number: 652-662 and draw lucky number: 7181813-05, Reference number CA 2875489. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of US dollars $450,000.00 (Four hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars Only) in Cheque.

HOW TO CLAIM YOUR LOTTO PRIZE:

Please contact Claim's office in Kiev, Ukraine.

Barr. Igor Gorbachov

Ukrainian National Lottery (UNL) CLAIMS OFFICER

Add: 166/1 Lenina Voloska Lane,

Kiev 01836,

Ukraine.

Email: barr_gorbachov-igor@hotmail.com

Tel: +380-6386-20418

Fax: +380-1383-40001

For security purposes and clarity we advice that you keep your winning information confidential, and not to be disclosed to anyone until your claim have been fully processed and your won amount given to you. BE WARNED!

Congratulations! once again from the staff and thank you for being part of email account users program.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. (Mrs.) MELLISSA HELENS.

(Publicity Secretary)

Dr. Orumov Shevchenko,

(Lottery Zonal co-ordinator)

The Response:

Dear Barrister Lane, Dr Helens and Dr Shevchinko,

Thank you for taking time from your busy schedules at the Ukrainian National Lottery to notify me of my wonderful luck. I wasn't even aware until today that the Ukraine had a lottery, much less one that spanned the globe. You must all be very proud over there. We tried to hold a lottery here once, but cousin Footsie drove the grand prize into Pastor Eldredges Pond killing Footsie, one cow, and Pastor Eldreges prize bullfrog. You can imagine the conflicting emotions at Cousin Footsie's funeral. The good pastor was doing his best to say nice things about Footsie, while at the same time he was mourning his prize frog. I personally think that he gave the best funeral sermon possible considering the circumstances, however mother thought he went too far when he said that Footsie was probably going to hell for drinking while driving which led to bovine and amphibian murder. That's when mother stood up and started yelling something about how she was sure he would be eatin some nice hot frog legs down there and that's about the time things really got out of hand.

All in all, it was a typical funeral for our family. The sheriff (Cousin on my Daddy's side) had his deputies standing by so the funeral was over by noon and the fights all broken up by 1:00 leaving the rest of the day to meditate on the mysteries of life and talk about the best way to cook bullfrog legs.

Back to your wonderful lottery. I'd like to give my share back to the Ukrainian people. All I ask is that you make me a Knight, Lord, Earl or Vampire in return. If I have to choose one, I'll take Vampire. We don't really need the money since we received the insurance check from cousin Footsie. We also got a little something extra from Pastor Eldredge for damages to mother's ear. It seems the good pastor likes to bite when he's losing in a straight up fistfight. We basically have all the money we need right now so thanks but no thanks.

Do I owe you any fees for not accepting the prize? I'd of course be glad to pay them since you went to all the trouble of tracking me down and notifying me. Just let me know by return mail what I owe you and we can discuss how I might go about getting that money to you.

Best,

Jimmy Bob