I want to be wooed

I get my fair share of spam mail and a significant amount is basic bank transfer scam material. Unlike most internet users I actually go through the spam filter and read the drivel caught by the filters for my own enjoyment. The more elaborate the more interesting and they are usually much more responsive to my "playful" replies. This one however just demonstrates that a poor work ethic can exist in any business, anywhere.

The Approach:

This is to notify you that your FUND valued at US$8.5M is ready for Transfer and ATM CARD, therefore send all your info: because we have receive release and approved order.

Name#

Phone#

Addrses#

0ccupation#

Regards,

Rev.Jibril Aku Eco Bank Nigeria Plc Tele:+234-018-915-774 Reply me to:rve.jibrilaku01@w.cn

My Response:

Dear Rev,

Of all the offers I've received yours is probably the least ambitious. You didn't expend any effort in selling me on the benefit of of your ATM Card. You didn't give me any far fetched justification for sending me this card, you don't discuss fund distribution schedules and you didn't bother to provide me with a delightfully long title, linking yourself to some pseudo official organization or public office.

I'm quite put out by this. If you can't be bothered to create even a semblance of a credible story, I have to assume you are an amateur and I sir, do not deal with amateurs. I expect to be wooed by the very best, not some third rate ner-do-well with a bicycle powered generator and an old Packard Bell computer.

Here's what I expect from you. Go back to your computer, storyboard this out and come back to me with a compelling story. Something that's believable and something that captures the imagination. Perhaps a PowerPoint presentation with official logos, photos of faked documents and well thought out forms would be a nice touch. I realize I've been somewhat harsh in my treatment of you and to make up for my caustic but accurate assessment of your poor attempt to draw me into your pitch, I'd like to reach across the ocean and make you a counter proposal. I will assist you in creating an impressive approach plan, follow up emails triggered by keywords in response email finally culminating with a set of very realistic documents to back up the entire storyline. My services do not come cheap however and I would not only expect to be paid up front, but also to become a full partner in your business. Bribes, taxes, and legal fees will come out of your end of course. To prove you are sincere in wanting to take advantage of this exciting offer, I want you to send me a response with your real name, your address, your phone number and we will discuss how you may go about sending me a partnership gift, which is my country is customary in circumstances such as these.

Regards,

Jimmybob