Sir! Yes Sir!

There's so much wrong with this one. Even if you've never served in the military, you really should see the issues with this email from watching movies, the email address coming from a .jp domain (Japan) with a reply address at gmail. Another giveaway is the name. This name appears to be a reverse of U.S. names. General Williams Tony. I hope they answer me.

The Approach

General Tony <tfdfr3@miracle.ocn.ne.jp>

Jun 5, 2018, 2:50 AM

Dear Beloved Good day and compliments, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a surprise, but I implore you to take time to go through it carefully as the decision to go a long way in determining my future and continued existence .Please let me present myself.i am WILLIAMS TONY, fourth Battalion, 64th Armored Regiment unit that patrols here Helmand province, Afghanistan. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned the courage to contact you. I am currently in Afghanistan and came across your contact details in an electronic journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $25Million dollars (Twenty Five Million US Dollars) to you, so I can be sure it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved. SOURCE OF MONEY: Some money in dollars was discovered and concealed in barrels at a place in the province of Helman, when a foot patrol was conducted and it was agreed by all party present that the money is split between us.this might seem like a thing make it illegal but I tell you? No compensation can compensate for the risks we have taken with our lives in this previous hellhole.The figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a contact Canadian who works with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package to a safe place totally out of focus problems. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes belongs to an American who died in an air strike that before leaving trusted me to deliver the package to his close relative. Now I have found a surefire way to get the package out of Afghanistan for you to collect. I do not know how long I'll be here, and I've been lucky to survive two suicide attacks with explosives perpetrated by Pure Divine intervention. This and other reasons put into consideration have led me to ask for help. If I might be of interest and then Endeavor to contact me immediately and we would work out the necessary paperwork, but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually beneficial relationship. Respectfully, General Williams Tony Email: generalwilliamstony990@gmail.com US Soldier Afghanistan

My Response

Dear General Tony,

I know the Army has been making some big changes since my time in the service, but this letter really has me thinking things are out of control. Generally any written correspondence from anyone in the Army would start out with "Sir" or "Motes" and the occasional letter from a Sergeant beginning with "Hey Dumbass" or "Dear Shitbird". I had to pause when I read your salutation of "Dear Beloved". If this is normal for the new Army, I worry about your ability to command combat troops. You also stated that you summoned to courage to contact me. I mean come on man... it's just an email. Not like you had to cross a minefield to reach out to me. Are you sure you're a general in the United States Army? Could you perhaps be in the Airforce or the Canadian Military? Now that would make perfect sense.

I was also surprised that you're assigned to a Battalion in an Armored Regiment since that's typically going to be commanded by a colonel, but I assume you're doing something top secret so they needed the big guns. Still, seems a waste of a general to be sitting at Battalion, unless of course they know you write letters begging for help, beginning with Dear Beloved... In that case it all makes perfect sense.

I'm happy that you've decided to trust me with your 25 million U.S. dollars. I'm also not surprised that you are in cahoots with a Canadian. They seem friendly enough, but how can you trust a country that speaks french, uses the British Empire's money, and has free healthcare? As for the money, You can bet that I'll take real good care of that money. Real good care indeed....

Question, when you say you've survived two suicide attacks, how does one screw up a suicide attack? The very nature of the mission name dictates that you should not be coming back alive. For a senior military leader, that doesn't speak very well of you. I'm starting to doubt your ability to transfer this package to me with my 25 million... rather, YOUR 25 million. I have another question. Once I have this money safely stashed here for your homecoming, would you be prevented from returning for it if someone let the cat out of the bag? I'm only asking to be sure I fully understand the operational parameters of course.

Well let's kick this pig and get to transferring money.

Yours,

James T. Kirk Motes

Supreme Commander

4th Intergalactic fusiliers