THE FBI IS ON TO ME!!! (again)

I can only assume this guy gets paid by the letter when he sends these messages out. Also someone should tell him that every word does not need to be in caps. I have to wonder if this approach worked on anyone. If so, am I wrong to think that someone should take their computer away and ask the court to provide a financial guardian?

The Approach:

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING <www.nyys@basil.ocn.ne.jp>

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.(fileoffice869@gmail.com) FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING 935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

ATTENTION: THIS IS THE FINAL WARNING YOU ARE GOING TO RECEIVE FROM ME, DO YOU GET ME? I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MANY TIMES THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT TO YOU. WE WOULD ALSO SEND LETTER TO THE COMPANY/AGENCY THAT YOU ARE WORKING FOR SO THAT THEY COULD GET YOU FIRED UNTIL WE ARE THROUGH WITH OUR INVESTIGATIONS BECAUSE A SUSPECT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT OR ANY PRIVATE ORGANIZATION. YOUR ID WHICH WE HAVE IN OUR DATABASE HAVE BEEN SENT TO ALL THE CRIMES AGENCIES IN AMERICA FOR THEM TO INSET YOU IN THEIR WEBSITE AS AN INTERNET FRAUDSTERS AND TO WARN PEOPLE FROM HAVING ANY DEALS WITH YOU. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN SOLVED ALL THIS WHILE IF YOU HAD GOTTEN THE CERTIFICATE ENDORSED AND STAMPED AS YOU WERE INSTRUCTED IN THE E-MAIL BELOW. THIS IS THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) I WANT USE THIS MEDIUM TO INFORM YOU THAT THERE IS NO MORE TIME LEFT TO WASTE BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A MANDATE AS STATED EARLIER TO HAVE THE DOCUMENT ENDORSED, SIGNED AND STAMPED WITHOUT FAILURE AND YOU MUST ADHERE TO THIS DIRECTIVES TO AVOID YOU BLAMING YOURSELF AT LAST WHEN WE MUST HAVE ARRESTED AND JAILED YOU FOR LIFE AND ALL YOUR PROPERTIES WILL BE SEIZED AND BANK ACCOUNT WILL BE CONFISCATED TOO. YOU FAILED TO COMPLY WITH OUR DIRECTIVES/INSTRUCTION AND THAT WAS THE REASON WHY WE DIDN'T HEAR FROM YOU, AS OUR DIRECTOR HAS ALREADY BEEN NOTIFIED ABOUT YOU GET THE PROCESS COMPLETED YESTERDAY AND RIGHT NOW THE WARRANT OF ARREST HAS BEEN SIGNED AGAINST YOU AND IT WILL BE CARRIED OUT IN THE NEXT 48HOURS AS STRICTLY SIGNED BY THE FBI DIRECTOR. WE HAVE INVESTIGATED AND FOUND OUT THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHEN THE FRAUDULENT DEAL WAS COMMITTED WITH YOUR INFORMATION'S/IDENTITY AND RIGHT NOW YOUR ID IS PLACED ON OUR WEBSITE AS A WANTED PERSON, I BELIEVE YOU KNOW THAT IT WILL BE A SHAME TO YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY BECAUSE AFTER THEN IT WILL BE ANNOUNCE IN ALL THE LOCAL CHANNELS THAT YOU ARE WANTED BY THE FBI. AS A GOOD CHRISTIAN AND A HONEST MAN, I DECIDED TO SEE HOW I COULD BE OF HELP TO YOU BECAUSE I WOULD NOT BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU END UP IN JAIL AND ALL YOUR PROPERTIES CONFISCATED ALL BECAUSE YOUR INFORMATION'S WAS USED TO CARRY OUT A FRAUDULENT TRANSACTIONS, I CALLED THE EFCC AND THEY DIRECTED ME TO A PRIVATE ATTORNEY WHO CAN HELP YOU GET THE PROCESS DONE AND HE STATED THAT HE WILL ENDORSE AND STAMP THE DOCUMENT AT THE SUM OF $79 USD ONLY AND I BELIEVE THIS PROCESS IS CHEAPER FOR YOU. YOU NEED TO DO EVERY POSSIBLE THING TOMORROW TO GET THIS PROCESS DONE BECAUSE OUR DIRECTOR HAS CALLED TO INFORM ME THAT THE WARRANT OF ARREST HAS BEEN SIGNED AGAINST YOU AND ONCE IT HAS BEEN APPROVED, THEN THE ARREST WILL BE CARRIED OUT, AND FROM OUR INVESTIGATIONS WE LEARN'T THAT YOU WERE THE PERSON THAT FORWARDED YOUR IDENTITY TO ONE IMPOSTOR/FRAUDSTERS IN NIGERIA AND BENIN REPUBLIC WHEN HE HAD A DEAL WITH YOU ABOUT THE TRANSFER OF SOME ILLEGAL FUNDS INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT OR BY CONSIGNMENT BOX WHICH IS VALUED AT THE SUM OF $7,500,000.00 ONLY. I PLEADED ON YOUR BEHALF SO THAT THIS AGENCY COULD GIVE YOU TILL 10/8/2020 SO THAT YOU COULD GET THIS PROCESS DONE, BUT I LEARN'T THAT SEVERAL E-MAILS HAS BEEN SENT TO YOU WITHOUT GETTING A RESPONSE FROM YOU. BEAR IT IN MIND THAT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN BE ABLE TO HELP YOU AT THIS MOMENT OR YOU WOULD HAVE TO FACE THE LAW AND ITS CONSEQUENCES ONCE IT HAD BEFALLEN ON YOU. YOU WOULD MAKE THE PAYMENT THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER WITH THE BELOW DETAILS. RECEIVER NAME: Chukus Scott COUNTRY: BENIN REPUBLIC CITY:  COTONOU AMOUNT:$79USD SEND THE PAYMENT DETAILS TO ME AS STATED ABOVE AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU DIDN'T HESITATE MAKING THE PAYMENT DOWN TO THE AGENCY BY TODAY SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE THE CERTIFICATE ENDORSED, SIGNED AND STAMPED IMMEDIATELY WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY. AFTER ALL THIS PROCESS HAS BEEN CARRIED OUT, THEN WE WOULD HAVE TO PROCEED TO THE BANK FOR THE TRANSFER OF YOUR COMPENSATION FUNDS WHICH IS VALUED AT THE SUM OF $710.500,000.00 USD WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN TRANSFERRED TO YOU ALL THIS WHILE. NOTE: ALL THE CRIMES AGENCIES HAVE BEEN CONTACTED ON THIS REGARDS AND WE SHALL TRACE AND ARREST YOU IF YOU DISREGARD THIS INSTRUCTIONS. YOU ARE GIVEN A GRACE TODAY TO MAKE THE PAYMENT FOR THE DOCUMENT AFTER WHICH YOUR FAILURE TO DO THAT WILL ATTRACT A MAXIMUM ARREST AND FINALLY YOU WILL BE APPEARING IN COURT FOR ACT OF TERRORISM, MONEY LAUNDERING AND DRUG TRAFFICKING CHARGES, SO BE WARNED NOT TO TRY ANYTHING FUNNY BECAUSE YOU ARE BEEN WATCHED. EXPECTING YOUR ANTICIPATED- CO-OPERATION. YOURS IN SERVICE, CHRISTOPHER WRAY

My Response:

Dear Mr/FBI Agent Christopher Wray,

I do get you. I really do. You're all angry at me for failing to follow the mandate you have sent me so many times. It seems logical that I would have my document endorsed, signed and stamped without failure, yet here we are... You're threatening to have me arrested and I'm wondering if you are watching my house or possibly watching me through this computing machine. I certainly hope not. Either way, you won't catch me! I've been preparing for this day all my life. My go bag is packed, the pickup has a gaggle of guns in the back, and I've got my "safe house" ready for a long stay. DAMN, just smell that air!!! Exciting right? This reminds me of time me and Timmy Swaggert set off those cherry bombs under old Mr. Price's trailer home. I thought Mr. Price would come barrelling out of that mobile home, but evidently he was deaf from his service as a bootlegger in his youth. Anyway, after those cherry bombs went off, we didn't hear nothing for a bit, then Ol Mr. Price started cussing and yelling like a deacon at the Pentacostal Holiness Church and his dog "Larry Flint", begun howling like a gator had him by the tail. That trailer door flew open and his dog shot out as if the devil hisself was behind him. According to Mavis Brown the owner of Mavis' Maids and Beanie Baby Sales, that poor creature was napping on Mr. Price's lap and unfortunately, emptied his bowels all over Mr. Price when the cherry bombs went off. He then jumped from Mr. Price's lap and ran through the house like a poop-filled pez dispenser while Mr. Price chased after him. Ms Mavis says that dog must have soiled every nice thing in Mr. Price's living room. Even his prize crocheted doilies. Oh man Timmy and me had some good times....

Anyway, back to you wanting to arrest me. You must not know whom I am. Now on the surface, I might seem to be just another handsome King of honky tonk karaoke and war hero, but I'm also a private first class in our Trailer Park Militia. You don't want to mess with me Mr Federal Agent. I'm dangerous, got my high school diploma, and aside from some trouble reading big fancy words, I'm smarter than you. I saw through this email right away. You can't trick me with your big money offers and whatnot. You don't think I know what you're up to? I show up to sign them forms and you arrest me on trumped up charges.... like the last three times. But I won't fall for that again. Even with all your fancy titles and putting on airs talking about exotic places like Benin Republic (Like that's real), you can't fool me. I bet it's just a coincidence your "fee" of $79 is the exact amount of my unpaid fine for peeing on the sherrif's horse. Nope, I'm outsmarting all of you again.

If you want me, you won't find me at my grandpa's fishing shack in Broken Bow, Oklahoma so don't look there.

Regards,

Private First Class Jimmy Junebug Motes